The Journey Begins

So, here is where we begin. I have decided to share my thoughts on GRANDMOTHER HOOD in the hopes of garnering support, soliciting advice and generally just clearing space in my mind.

Let’s start with this – Anxiety: The mixed bag of emotions bursting inside of me for the impending birth of my first grandchild.

Where do I begin. My name is Toni. Soon to be known as Noni. April 29th, the anticipated arrival date, my name and my world changes. I am thrilled beyond words and scared to death. When my Sabrina was born 33 years ago, I loved to say “they didn’t give me a handbook!” Here I am, years later, wishing for a handbook.

Will I be a great Noni? I won’t run to Marshalls and forget the baby in her crib? What if I drop her? And the worst of all, will I have to take her temperature. I had tremendous fear 33 years ago and here we go again.

Honestly, I am not a moron, and I know these things come naturally. I never dropped m y kids so why do I think I will now. Never left them at the mall by accident, although in hindsight I should have a few times. That’s another story. Yes, there were some questionable, dumb moves. More about that later. But we survived.

So here is where I begin. Third trimester and soon our bundle of joy arrives. Steve and Sabrina, I know she is going to be your baby, but I like to think she is mine too. Hence “ours.”

Right now I am fussing over a baby shower and decorating a room in my house where baby will probably not visit too often in the beginning. At least until they see I didn’t drop her. And this is time well spent. At least I am not focused on my fear.

And there is more f ear. What if she doesn’t like me. Think about it. When I was little I looked at my Aunts and thought they were so old. I scare myself when I look in the mirror. Where did Toni go. Now I will become None, wrinkles and all. Am I going to scare this young precious baby. Will she be afraid of me because my hands are old and dry. Will she think ‘who is this dinosaur?’ Will she dislike me when I tell her NO. Okay, let’s face it, I probably will never tell her No.

For now, I know these things to be true. I will love our new little lady with every drop of my heart, I will be there no matter what to help and I will not drink wine while I babysit!!!!!

26 thoughts on “The Journey Begins

  1. It will be one hell of a trip Enjoy every day you blink your eyes and they no longer are babies mine are 30 17 15 no more shitty diapers

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  2. Aunt Toni… you’re going to make an amazing and fun Noni!! Don’t be nervous or worrisome… you’ve got this! I can always drop the boys off for a weekend so you can lots of practice with the different ages! Can’t guarantee you’ll make it out alive! LoL! 😂🤣

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  3. First of all, congratulations Toni! Being a grandmother is wonderful, especially when you get to be a huge part of their life from the beginning. Relax!! Don’t worry about being nervous, just do what comes natural. I can tell you from past experience that one of the best things you can do is read to them.. . Yes, even when they’re just a baby. Sit down, hold them, turn the pages, point to the pictures and read, read, read. It will be worth it. Nola loved it and we read countless books over and over again. Here are names of 5 of her favorite books: Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, Hungry Caterpillar, Trashy Town, Brown Bear What Do You See and If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. (Of course, my girl also loved every book we could find about dinosaurs, LOL!). Kick back and love every moment, Toni! It is a very special time before they start school.

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  4. congrats, Toni! Nothing to fear…being a grandma is the reward for all the stress of motherhood. Now you get to spoil them and you dont have to worry if you’re ruining the child…it’s the parents worry now to bring up the child properly and you get all the fun!

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  5. Toni, You will be a great nonni. It will come naturally. Do not stress. This grandchild is very lucky to have you as its grandmother. I cannot wait to read your blog!!! Love you

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  6. Oh my gosh TONI!! This post—the whole blog!—is just so special. Think of her reading it someday, seeing how loved and adored she was. Of course she’ll be crazy about you.

    And I love the way you write! You’re honest, relatable, and so funny. I laughed out loud at, “in hindsight, maybe I should have left them there a few times.”

    She is so lucky to have you xoxoxox

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