VIOLET ANTONIA

She’s here. I want to shout it from the roof tops. I have never felt so much joy, love, excitement… We waited a long 9 months. Ok, so everyone waits 9 months. that last two weeks is excruciating. The anxiety that takes hold of you. Every day you think, today’s the day. You want to hold the baby and love her now, not tomorrow. As Sabrina put it the day after her due date: “Its like going to bed on Christmas Eve and waking up to no presents.” We knew we were having a girl. We knew that the baby was large at the beginning of the eighth month. What we didn’t know was that we were going to have the most beautiful, perfect, big girl. Violet Antonia was born 10 pounds 2 ounces. Really. I swear that is true. As you all know, Sabrina is a tiny girl. Here she will be annoyed as I tell the truth, she is not 5 feet!!!!! How did this little girl fit in. Violet Antonia came out, pure perfection. She is beyond beautiful. Very girly looking. She has the same dark hair Sabrina was born with. The same tiny little bird lips Sabrina was born with. To put her in my arms was the most incredible thing I have ever experienced. So much love, different from having my own children, but possibly more love. My heart is bursting with love. Sabrina and Steve were amazing. Steve never left Sabrina’s side. Labor was long and eventually Violet was delivered CSection. They created an Angel on earth. A magnificent baby that will be loved by them and all of us beyond belief. We are truly so blessed.

SPRING – A TIME TO BLOSSOM

SO MANY COUSINS

Its been a while. I was so busy with the Baby Shower. I put my heart and soul into it. It was a great success. Such a beautiful day. Sabrina was surrounded by friends and so much family. So many cousins that I had to include the picture. This day was full of love, it was unbelievable. We had girlfriends who flew in, drove from Boston, took trains from New York City.

And my goodness, you cannot believe the love shown to me. I had so much help from my friends and family, Trina, Beverly, Margo, Robin, Lori, Karen, the list just goes on and on. My crew made decorations, food, Flamingo Cake, cookies, antipasto and more. I can’t thank all of you enough for your help, because as we all know, I do sometimes get frazzled. You guys are awesome.

And now it is Spring, time to blossom and flower. Believe it or not, today begins week 37. Oh, we are ready to blossom. It is almost not real. For those of you who don’t have a grandchild yet, think about this: Your baby is having a baby. Its crazy.

Sabrina is ready. So ready. Aniken is growing at a beautiful rate and will most likely be a nice healthy weight. She kicks a lot. As a matter of fact, I heard last night Buzz was sleeping on Sabrina and Aniken woke him up with a kick. Very funny. Buzz is in for some trouble. His head will be spinning.

Still working, Sabrina says it is common place to be body checked for a seat on the New York Subway. No one is giving up a seat, no one cares that she looks like she is ready to deliver. PLEASE, don’t let her go into labor and have some subway rider deliver the baby.

The nursery is ready, beautiful perfection. Clothes are hung in the closet and diapers are stacked and ready to be used.

And we are ready. Oh yes, so ready. The anticipation, the anxiety is killing us. We just can’t wait. As Sabrina loves to say, I just want to hold her. I can’t wait to kiss her, tell her how much I love her and her mom. I can’t wait for the first time she recognizes voices, smiles, every first there is. Aniken, you are so loved and you are not even here yet.

My heart is so full. Sabrina, Steve, you are going to be the best parents ever. And yes, I will try to be the best Noni ever.

SHALL WE DANCE

I visited Sabrina on Saturday morning. Just wanted to cuddle with my little baby girl before she is to busy cuddling her little baby girl. Of course, I wrapped myself around her as we relaxed on the sofa and I held her belly, hoping to get a hello from Aniken. OMG. She knew it was me and decided to dance. I am not talking about one kick, maybe two.

This little girl started moving like a ballroom dancer. Her feet fluttered and slid all over. I was SHOCKED. How can this little girl be so busy moving around. I sat there in awe, total perfection, what better way to start your weekend then to have a dance with your little girl, before she even gets here.

Now, we know a thing or two about dancing. My mom would put on records each Saturday morning and we would dance. She taught us to do the jitterbug and she would swing us around the living room like we were at a party. What fun. Naturally, when my girls were little, we had the music going constantly. My girls danced to the Grateful Dead, Motown, just about anything. We loved playing and dancing whenever we could.

So what a surprise and a blessing to have little Aniken recognize it was me and say: “Ok Noni, lets start the party.” “I want to dance with you.”

Seven weeks to go. Did I mention I can’t wait.

COUNTING DOWN

My Baby having a Baby

Did I mention how excited I am. OMG.

I subscribe to The Bump. Are you laughing? Yes, I admit it. So when I got my daily update and it said “I” had 8 weeks to go, I nearly died. First the tears, then the sheer joy.

Let’s be fair once you stop laughing. Sabrina set it up on my phone. I didn’t just sign up and say I was pregnant. Its a great site, so informative, lets me know everything I need to know about having a baby. And then some things I never want to be reminded about. Honestly, articles that teach you what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Articles on what to expect every step of the way.

We all know about this expectation. They say you get a burst of energy before you deliver. IT HAPPENED. My excitement has created so much energy I can’t stop myself.

Right now, all efforts are going into the baby shower. I am making arts and crafts. I used a rolling pin in the kitchen this week. When was the last time I used a rolling pin? Soooo creative. I make a silk flower with rhinestone cake for a centerpiece. Of course, this little girl must have all the glamour.

Fortunately, last weekend I also got to play with one of my bestie’s granddaughter. I practiced!!!!! Yup. I took that little girl, gave her a bottle, burped her (she threw up on me), I sang to her, walked her and cooed, lots of cooing. She liked me. She smiled, tried to hold my finger and basically tolerated my singing. I was a good experience. So many songs came to mind, I was afraid I would not remember, but just like riding a bike, they came back.

Aniken, I hope you can’t recognize that I sing off key. And yes, its ok if you throw up on me, I would expect anything less. When you try to hold my finger, I will melt. I love you so much.

Did I mention how excited I am. I can’t wait!!!!!

What Is In A Name

So, let’s talk about this younger generation of parents. To start, everything has now become a production.

We got pregnant, we called our friends and family to share the news. 33 years ago we didn’t always know the sex of our baby, but if we did, we called our friends and family. There were no parties, no fancy announcements, no balloons that announced the babies gender. And as a sidenote, is that now taboo. What is the balloon color for raising a genderless child? That’s way too serious a topic for my blog.

What will our beautiful baby be named? “It’s a surprise, we can’t tell you.” Serious, no baby name reveal party.

While I know Sabrina and Steve won’t name their baby ‘ABCDE’, I don’t know why the name is a secret. Come on, I’m the Noni. Why can’t I know. Please. I have been asking for weeks now and they just laugh at me. They are not giving it up. Does it begin with a T? And no, not you Auntie Trina, I meant Toni.

So for now I’ve named her Aniken. Therefore Aniken is who I will be blogging about until she arrives. On some level it makes Steve happy.

Let’s talk about Sabrina and Steve for a minute. Sabrina is so accustomed to my insanity she really believes it’s the norm. Steve on the other hand looks at me with an ever so slight smile and wonders what makes my brain tick, or stop ticking occasionally.

You two must really love me. Your trusting me to watch your baby. Aren’t you a little afraid of what I might teach her. This from a mother who wanted you to change your middle name to Love. The mother who bribed you to quit cheerleading. Don’t worry, I will try hard not to bring out her inner hippy for at least the first six months.

I do hope that my love for Aniken will help me to inspire young sweet Aniken to love and respect life from day one. To love all creatures, big and small. To have great passion for nature and the world. Somehow I know she will be perfect.

The Journey Begins

So, here is where we begin. I have decided to share my thoughts on GRANDMOTHER HOOD in the hopes of garnering support, soliciting advice and generally just clearing space in my mind.

Let’s start with this – Anxiety: The mixed bag of emotions bursting inside of me for the impending birth of my first grandchild.

Where do I begin. My name is Toni. Soon to be known as Noni. April 29th, the anticipated arrival date, my name and my world changes. I am thrilled beyond words and scared to death. When my Sabrina was born 33 years ago, I loved to say “they didn’t give me a handbook!” Here I am, years later, wishing for a handbook.

Will I be a great Noni? I won’t run to Marshalls and forget the baby in her crib? What if I drop her? And the worst of all, will I have to take her temperature. I had tremendous fear 33 years ago and here we go again.

Honestly, I am not a moron, and I know these things come naturally. I never dropped m y kids so why do I think I will now. Never left them at the mall by accident, although in hindsight I should have a few times. That’s another story. Yes, there were some questionable, dumb moves. More about that later. But we survived.

So here is where I begin. Third trimester and soon our bundle of joy arrives. Steve and Sabrina, I know she is going to be your baby, but I like to think she is mine too. Hence “ours.”

Right now I am fussing over a baby shower and decorating a room in my house where baby will probably not visit too often in the beginning. At least until they see I didn’t drop her. And this is time well spent. At least I am not focused on my fear.

And there is more f ear. What if she doesn’t like me. Think about it. When I was little I looked at my Aunts and thought they were so old. I scare myself when I look in the mirror. Where did Toni go. Now I will become None, wrinkles and all. Am I going to scare this young precious baby. Will she be afraid of me because my hands are old and dry. Will she think ‘who is this dinosaur?’ Will she dislike me when I tell her NO. Okay, let’s face it, I probably will never tell her No.

For now, I know these things to be true. I will love our new little lady with every drop of my heart, I will be there no matter what to help and I will not drink wine while I babysit!!!!!